People Are a Virus

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.

'Office Space'

So here I am in work. It's the typical pointless office job where nobody knows what anyone else does but you have regular 'one to one' meetings to ensure that you're meeting your targets.

Most people work for the money or to kill time in between seeing their families. Unfortunately for me, I don't get to see my family so my time is comparably less valuable. My money is made to support said family so other than food I don't have a lot to do in my spare time.

My job is probably no different to a lot of other 9 to 5 shlebs around the country. However, the people I work with embrace a lot of the things that I hate about being here.

I was moved from another office after mocking a girl who openly sleeps with middle-aged businessmen to fund her lifestyle ("Where I come from we call that prostitution"). Yeah... that part of my brain that should stop my mouth from moving doesn't work.

My work colleagues are the usual mish-mash. In no paticular order :

Gay Emo - Yes you read that right. I think Personnel had a bet after the last office to see if they could break me. He's miserable, but the dramatic type of miserable. He came in on my birthday with cuts on his arm ("That's nice... but you shouldn't have"). I'm even doubting the gay part but I do have a mental image of him saying, "My life is a black void, but it needs a couple of throw pillows".

Posh Grad - She's too good for the menial job that we're doing and tells us all constantly. As she is a graduate her opinions are automatically more valid than the less educated rest of us. This is only a stop-gap until better things and we'll all be happier when she fucks off. Of course, today we're 'celebrating' another colleagues 25th year working here. She also came here from university as a stop-gap.

Hollyoaks girl - She's nice enough, I guess. Always has a smile, not too bright, you could give her a piece of paper with 'P.T.O.' on both sides and she'd be amused for an hour. I told her she was cleverer than she looked... and she thanked me. She has no idea of anything happening in the world. A few weeks ago I mentioned the plight of the Burmese Monks to which I got the reply, "Oh I don't know about those things.... did you see Hollyoaks last night"?

Line Manager - Older woman who has surprisingly little tact. Once during a conversation threw in the question, "So, when did your parents die"? The fact that we were talking about Christmas made the question more amusing.

Big Boss - Does not acknowledge the existence of anyone over two grades below him. Does not introduce himself to temporary staff. Has a wife that phones him 8-10 times a day but if anyone else answers the phone she slams it down without speaking. This will probably be the cause of my next office move, when I ask Big Boss to tell whoever that rude, pointless waste of life is at the other end of the phone that it only takes 5 seconds to say, "I'm sorry, I'll call back later". Just as I was when I was taught basic manners.

The rest of the office is filled with the usual vapid, myspace friend herding, Paris Hilton/David Beckham wannabe's. For someone who's entire existance doesn't revolve around football, celebrity & boozing it's a lonely life.

Is this it? Is this all people want in life? Football, winning the lottery, making it onto a reality show or marrying a fooballer and having their wedding plastered all over 'Hello' magazine.

How can the country thrive and expand when almost everyone in it aspires to mediocrity?

You see, there's nothing to do anymore.

'Pump Up the Volume'

Like most things in my life I've decided to start this at completely the wrong time. I need sleep, I have work in six hours but right now is absolutely the correct time to start my blog.

I'm going to stay anonymous through this, purely a personal choice, nothing sinister. People who really want to figure out who I am will do. I'm hoping that everyone thinks that they have too much of a life to bother.

Basic details about me. I'm male, mid thrities, married (I'll refer to her as wife) and have three children (kid1, kid2 & kid3).

With very few exceptions I don't like people. Bill Hicks said it best, "We're a virus with shoes". It seemed an appropriate choice to paraphrase for a title for the blog.

There's a lot wrong with the world at the moment and people are responsible for it. Each posting I make will deal with whatever is annoying me the most at that time. I'm hoping that David & Victoria Beckham don't make up 9 out of every 10 posts.

If anyone has a counterpoint to anything I say, please remember that this is not a discussion. This is my blog and I'm right. Although I'll happily read your comments and tell you to fuck off.

So that's me, my introduction. Like everything that will appear here you can take it or leave it.